The Misadventures of Riley

Worklife ver. 2.0

2010-02-19T23:18:00.000-08:00

I work for a website, so we must be progressive no? A hip company of shaggy haired people trying to change the world or some garbage like that. But the truth is that it's a strange mix of cultures (Chinese, Korean, and a slight mix of expat). So we have some strange workplace culture.

The layout of my office is basically 4 rows of chest high semi-cubicle desks. With about 5 people in each row. Basically small enough that you could stand up and hit anyone in the office with a piece of paper (or rock depending on the mood of the day).

What's bizarre is the predominant method of communication. It's entirely via MSN, I've had whole conversations with people sitting 4 feet from my desk, online. I hate it but apparently it's the way we operate here. Just one of those things I guess.

A fleeting moment of clarity....

2010-02-16T00:31:00.000-08:00

You know those moments of clarity you get every once in a while, the moments that cause you sit back in your chair, the ones that can silence a crowd in a loud bar, the times that you can reflect on your life and where you've been and where you are going.

Those moments are rare, so few and far between, that we try to grasp on to them for as long as we can. I decided when I was having one about five minutes ago that I'd sit down and write it out. So as in a few days when my mind has switched gears and I'm worrying about some trivial matters that I can read this again and reflect. I've decided to share it with the world so that I can be held accountable.

This blog like so many things in my life is incomplete, a work in constant progress that I start so passionately and end up fizzling out on. I'm lucky, I am smart (and I swear I'm modest), by smart I mean that I can coast in life. I just need to work ever so hard to get by and I can. I have the ability to turn it on when I need to and get me out of or into situations when I need to.

I know how cliche it is to say that I was inspired by a movie, but I was watching one this afternoon and it really touched home, and made me reflect on who I am and what I'm doing on this rock flying through space.

I don't pretend to be a philosopher or to know everything, there was a time in my life that I truly believed I knew everything, but the older I get the more I realize how little I actually know. But one of the things that I do know is that I am lucky and loved and it makes me feel whole inside. I am lucky to have a caring friends and family and to have come from a family with enough means to raise me right and give me a good education.

I've decided that I'm gonna turn a corner, I'm tired of turning it on only when I need to, I want to turn it on for good, to inspire people, to do things that help and change this world. To know that I left this place better than I received it. I might only be 26, but I want to realize this before I've exhausted my chances.

I'm tired of being lazy.

If anyone is reading this...it's only the beginning.

Back from the Dead

2010-01-28T23:26:00.000-08:00

Hey All I'm back from the dead at least my blog is. This is just the first post in a long series of new posts that I'll hopefully be getting up here on a more regular basis.

Quick update:

Living in Beijing
Working for www.nciku.com
Loving Life.

Fun With Mice

2009-04-29T02:50:00.000-07:00

My brother sent me a link to this Engadget article about some benches in the Shenzhen subway that are giant keyboard keys. This reminded me of these mice that I saw in Xiamen while I was visiting last January.

I sent it into engadget and low and behold they put it up. Which I think is pretty cool in a totally narcissistic sort of way :). Next thing I know my picture is being featured on Swedish public radio, with a photo credit. The text translates in google as:

You are on vacation, but what direction you look you see things like the job. Hard. Thought then that IT-intensive office rat encounter this on the beach. Tougher. Or, quite funny. It is Riley Gelwicks who have found the large concrete mice during their stay in China.

I wouldn't call it my 15 minutes of fame, but certainly put a little smile on my face.

Long Time No See 好久不见了

2009-04-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

Small update on my life after nearly seven months without posting, I'm now in Beijing working and living. I love it and would say that only miss Longhu when I ache for the "real" China, the one that you read about in travel guides. Beijing is so modern and westernized that nobody really stares at me or really cares that I'm in their vicinity. I've lost the pseudo celebrity status that I loved to hate in Zhengzhou. I'll try to keep this updated a little more sorry about the lack of effort on my part.

Soy Sauce

2008-10-04T22:39:00.000-07:00

Last night we went out to dinner with some students and happened to order fried rice with dinner. Fried rice is typically seen as a snack food, not normally ordered at dinner (not fancy enough).
When the rice came, I asked if one of the students could ask the waiter if they could bring me some soy sauce. Soy sauce is only used to cook with and add color and a bit of flavor, not doused on the rice like we do in the west. But I happen to think that fried rice with soy sauce is great.

The student looked at me like I was crazy but he did it anyway and came back with a liter-sized bottle of soy sauce and watched as I drizzled it on (amazed). I told him and the other student to try it, they were hesitant at first but once all of the other foreign teachers started to do the same thing they acquiesced and gave it the ol' college try. Within the first bite both of them were like wow, this is really good, you could see in their eyes "a little blowing of the mind".

And we have done our best to convert some of the country folk.

Backwaters

2008-09-11T07:38:00.001-07:00

Living in a foreign country can be very frustrating and annoying with new customs and things that don't make any sense. Many of these topics I have already covered, but after going to the supermarket yesterday some of these people will get a little bit of a free pass. There is a relatively new supermarket in town like 8-9 months old. While most shops are little mom & pop places this is a proper supermarket with all sorts of Chinese food goodies.

It just also happens to be 3 stories tall, so in order to move the masses up and down they have installed some amazing modern technology (escalators). So anyway, onto the point of this post, I walked in yesterday and grabbed my basket to do some shopping and was waiting to get on the escalator and noticed there was a little backup. "What could be holding up a constantly moving escalator?", I thought to myself. Then I noticed it was an older woman early 50's probably who was having trouble timing her step onto the escalator. Kind of swaying back and worth as if she was getting ready jump in and do some Double Dutch. After about ten seconds she picked her step and went for it, and mounted the escalator without falling (phew!).

After witnessing this I couldn't help but laugh a little bit as it gave me some insight into some of the activity that we see the locals partake in every day. I think some people could call it a moment of clarity.

Back and Forth

2008-08-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

I finished my first year in China and went home back to Fort Lauderdale. It was amazing how quickly I fell back into life in the States, it took me about 12 hours to get over the fact that I was back in America. Maybe it's because I went home and knew the area so well, or maybe it's because I'm American and felt comfortable in the US, either way it was strange to me that I fell back into my routine after being gone for 10 months. I worked for about a month at a Law firm and realized that I really don't enjoy working in an office, it's just too confining.

I'm not gonna lie I definitely thought about not coming back, about just staying where it's easy and comfortable, but I felt for my sake I needed to come back and try to learn as much Chinese as possible. Once I bought the ticket I felt a little at ease and almost excited to come back, I guess my life for now is here in China.

I plan on staying in Longhu for only another semester, leaving at the beginning of January and then plan on going to Beijing or Taipei. I think living in the big city will help with being a foreigner, as there will be a bigger expat community. Overall all is well back in the HU as we call it and I will be updating once again.

Here is the new google earth satellite view of where I am living It is the big White building in the middle of the frame. That is the foreign teachers apartments, if you zoom out you can see the rest of the school. Zoom a little more out and click the map button to see where I am in relation to Zhengzhou and then a little more out to see where Zhengzhou is in relation to Beijing. I always like to know where someone is.
View Larger Map

That's all for now until we meet again.

Earthquake Aftermath

2008-06-01T19:55:00.000-07:00

So I was obviously one of the first to report the quake, but the aftermath has been just astonishing, 80,000+ dead of missing, total destruction of towns, highways destroyed cutting off help. The response was also amazing, the Chinese mobilized their army almost immediately, I wonder if the debacle of Katrina had anything to do with it, or the Cyclone in Myanmar.

But, on the ground the response has been nothing short of bizarre. The Chinese suffered a massive earthquake in the city of Tangshan in 1976 that is believed to be the largest in terms of death toll in the 20th century with anywhere between 255,000-650,000 dead. At the time, the Government had just been through the Cultural revolution and wasn't ready to admit that there had been a disaster, not letting foreign journalists in the area for a few years after the quake. Because of the pattern of denial and the idea of saving face the government has a knack of not admitting problems when there have been problems.

This time was different, either because of the sheer magnitude of the event or because they are turning a leaf the response was totally different than the Tangshan quake, there was public mourning for the first time in the PRC's history, people were donating heavily to private charities, there were candlelight vigils, all these things never happen in China. So hopefully, after all the bad that has happened here, some good will come from the madness.

Earthquake

2008-05-12T01:51:00.000-07:00

Today I felt my first earthquake and it was really weird. I was sitting at my computer and all of a sudden I felt dizzy but then I noticed that my the clothes hanging in my room were swinging, needless to say it was crazy. Here is a timestamped conversation to prove it.

(02:33:40 PM) Riley Gelwicks: dude there is fucking earthquake right now
(02:33:46 PM) Daniel : what
(02:33:59 PM) Riley : holy shit
(02:34:06 PM) Riley : the fucking ground is shaking
(02:34:06 PM) Daniel : the ground is shaking?
(02:34:12 PM) Daniel : holy fuck
(02:34:30 PM) Riley : woah that was crazy
(02:34:34 PM) Daniel : its over?

And here is a nice link to provide provenance for my observation.

Resurrecting My Career

2008-05-04T07:58:00.000-07:00

I am trying to resurrect my acting career, I have just recently starred in a Chinese commercial selling pesticide, that's right I'm back and better than ever. Pictures and video to follow. Just in case you don't believe me. IMDB knows best.

Everything is Made in China

2008-04-30T00:02:00.000-07:00

This is absolutely hilarious, I am sorry I don't try to get into politics on here too much but I can't resist this article. It really is true everything is made in China.

Police in southern China have discovered a factory manufacturing Free Tibet flags, media reports say.

The factory in Guangdong had been completing overseas orders for the flag of the Tibetan government-in-exile.

Here is the link

Beijing Trip

2008-04-28T23:36:00.000-07:00

So I and some other teachers from the college went to Beijing this past weekend. In a word the trip was "excellent". We had great food, great drinks, didn't have to dodge spit, hell we even broke into the Olympic contruction site "accidentally".

The crazy part was coming back to Zhengzhou, because when you are here you forget what it is like "out there". In the real world, where it is clean and garbage isn't thrown willy nilly into the street. It was saddening to come back, yet not 3 days later I was riding my bike to the supermarket and saw a little concert on the side of the road and felt happy that I am experiencing this lifestyle in this part of the world, because how many people will never do this?

So I decided to reup my contract and sign up for another six months, if only because they will pay for me to come back, making like $500 a month makes it difficult to be a jetsetter. At first, I was scared to do this but now I am excited because I know that if I can live here I can live anywhere.

Run for the Border!!!!

2008-04-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

I was buying toilet paper of all things at the corner store and guess which bag they gave me.

I can assure you there is not a Taco Bell anywhere near where I live, otherwise I would be there at least once a week. How these things happen nobody knows.

Pizza.

2008-04-27T02:25:00.000-07:00

I went to Pizza Hut yesterday, and it was awesome. But the Pizza Huts here are very nice restaurants. Silverware, real plates, real nice. One of the quirks in Chinese culture is that they don't like to touch their food with their hands. That is why every type of food you buy comes with a little bag, piece of paper, or glove so that you don't have to touch the food.

Well, Pizza just happens to be one of those foods that needs to be eaten by hand, like tacos, hot dogs, donuts, chips, nachos, fried cheese, wings well you get the idea. So How does one get around touching their yet still eat pizza in the way it was meant to be eaten.

If you can't see, she has literally jammed her fork into one end of her pizza creating kind of like a pizza popsicle of sorts. Who says that the Chinese are not innovative?

Cheating.

2008-04-24T21:03:00.000-07:00

This might be the pot calling the kettle black, but I can't believe how many of my students "try" to cheat. Not only do they try but they are terrible at it, maybe I was terrible at it also? I got caught when I was in high school so I must have been bad at it. But these kids are just stupid about it.

Last week I caught some of my students looking through my tests when I had gone to get some water. I mean the hallway is at least 75 feet long before you can get to the door, if they were smart don't you think that they would have posted a lookout.

I have been giving movie tests and the movie plays really loudly, yet they start to whisper when I stop it between scenes. You'd think they would wait until a loud scene to get their cheating done. I should teach a thing or two about cheating.

Off topic but cool.

2008-04-23T21:33:00.000-07:00

So today or tomorrow depending on where you live is the release of the new version of Ubuntu. I have been using Ubuntu exclusively on my computer since October. Click the link and check it out, you might be surprised by what something that is free can do to your computer.

Update on the Men are Pigs post.

2008-04-23T05:33:00.000-07:00

So this afternoon not more than 24 hours after I had this conversation with the kid, he sent me a text message:

I decide to take your suggestion, i'll introduce my classmate to my friend tomorrow. maybe i really need to change my opinion

Maybe, I am reaching them on some level, I did not realize I was that persuasive.

Male Chauvinist Pigs

2008-04-22T03:00:00.000-07:00

Look I am certainly not a feminist, I don't believe that strippers are being taken advantage of, or that all men are pigs, but something one of my students told me is troubling. I asked him why he was late and he explained to me that he had to meet a friend for something important.

When asked what was so important? He explained that his friend had a crush on one of his classmates and was looking to meet her. He asked this kid if he could introduce the two.

So, naturally, I asked well are you going to introduce them? He said, "of course not". Puzzled I asked why and he explained that she had a boyfriend. I again asked so what? You are just introducing them. To make a long story short he explained to me that when a girl has to pick two boys it is very difficult and she is easily manipulated....BUT when a boy has to pick from two girls it is much easier. I asked him to explain and he said, dead serious, that women are weak minded. I started to laugh and said man if you only knew the truth.

He tried to explain to me that he is very traditional, but he just didn't get it. I was like so women don't have a choice? and he couldn't really give me a straight answer. It was just funny because these kind of conversations happen daily, almost.

Postfest, Picfest

2008-04-21T01:25:00.000-07:00

So after slacking, I am now on a posting binge,

Here is a good one of the poo problem trying to be solved. If you recall, the toilet post that I put up a while back.

Chinese Toilet

At least they are trying to fix the problem, granted this is Beijing the host city of the 2008 Olympics in case you forgot.

200 yuan is $28.50, that is a hefty fine, in my opinion.

Great Firewall of China

2008-04-21T01:17:00.000-07:00

Censorship:

Anyone want to see what censorship looks like,

There you go. It is roughly translated as: "Sorry, prohibiting access to this site!"

Bear in mind this is when I tried to go MySpace. Yeah I know myspace is weak but I don't care.

Special People

2008-04-17T03:55:00.000-07:00

The Chinese have a hard time with mental disabilities, they tend to take the ignore approach (like many things) as opposed to tackling the issue head on. However, this is a restaurant that we go to sometimes called "The Swingers" (we give english names to all these chinese places, something about a language barrier), and every Wednesday they place host to the local special kids to help give them some job training.

I'm usually not that sentimental/soft but when I saw what they were doing it made me feel like "Wow, people actually care about their own." So we went back there last night and it was the "Special" night and there was this kid who was just fascinated by us. Usually rural Chinese are just amazed to see a non Chinese, but they have the werewithall to look away when they are staring (at least some of the time). But given this guys predicament I was gonna let it slide.

The funny thing about this event was that the kid, was very polite, nice, could speak fine he was just a simple man. But he failed to grasp that we spoke another language, to him we were just different looking Chinese people I guess. He would speak to us and I would speak back saying I'm sorry I don't know what you are saying I don't speak Chinese. So he would respond accordingly, speaking slower, it was very funny. But then we noticed that what he was doing never happens, to him we just didn't understand what he was saying so he clarified, but when you are talking to a "normal" Chinese person, they tend to get flustered or speak very fast at you or get really embarassed and just quit. This kid, though, had tenacity he kept at it, and it was very refreshing that he wasn't "scared or embarassed" to talk to us. It is amazing that it takes a mental disability to make me feel like people are treating me normal.

The question then becomes who has the mental disability? Me or the Chinese people? Bias leads me to say them but who knows, right?

Beijing Trip

2008-04-10T03:15:00.001-07:00

Graphic

2008-03-23T02:12:00.000-07:00

Also put a new graphic up of Shanghai, I took this in January, and spliced 5 images together, I think it looks pretty cool myself.

Hong Kong

2008-02-17T04:51:00.000-08:00

Day 3 (Hong Kong)

Arrival! Got to HK magically without the assistance of a tour group. You'd think that it would be easier to get from the Shenzhen airport into Hong Kong, but surprisingly you have to speak a little bit of Chinese to get there. If I learned anything on this trip
My first impressions of the South is that it is sick. Palm trees, warm air, beaches, hot skinny chicks, seriously awesome.
On my way into Hong Kong, I decided to hide my passport in the hidden pocket of my back pack that is inaccessible from behind me. I'm like “yeah I'm gonna be safe, protect myself from pickpockets”. Plus if I lost my passport I would never hear the end of it from my Mother/Brother. So I have a big back pack and my day pack. Not to mention all of these things stuffed into my pockets and I am little tired because I didn't get my sleep the night before. I get off the train and head up into the subway station and feel around for my passport. Oh F#$@!!!! Where did it go?
I start to freak out, running contingency plans through my head, where the hell could it have gone? I will never hear the end of this “How could you lose your passport dumbass?”, I rush back into the train before it leaves again. I am on my hands and knees looking under seats getting people to stand up. Sweat starts to form on my forehead, lower back, how could I be so stupid to lose my passport on the first day of my trip? Then like a light switching I figure out that ohh, I am a f-ing idiot, and all normalcy returned to my thoughts. I took a few minutes to settle down and then I went and got a hotel room and hit the town.

Travelling

2008-02-10T10:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I know it's been a long time since I have posted anything but it is tough to get on the internet and when they are charging you by the minute and you don't have much money it seems cheaper to just write things down on paper and recall them later.

So I have decided to post excerpts from my journal somethings I won't put online just to protect the innocent but I will try to give you an idea of how much fun I had.

This is day 1:

Day 1 (1/12/2008- Zhengzhou, China)

So, I leave about 9:00am in some broken down ride that Mr. Dai, the superintendent of my building, arranged. The car is a Geely ever heard of it? I didn't think so. It looks like a mid 90's S class that didn't take its vitamins as a kid, and its mother disciplined it with a wrench instead of love.
Mr. Dai, one of the nicest guys I have ever met, decides to tell me the driver (his buddy) needs me to pay before I get to the airport so the police don't harass him. Just like everything else in this country, all it takes to get things done is money.
So I hop in his hoopty and set off on my adventure that is supposed to take me up the fabled East Coast of China from Hong Kong in all its majestic glory to Beijing who thinks it is the next D.C.
Lonely Planet calls it the treaty ports tour because all the places I am visiting (minus Beijing) were concessions given to the colonial powers after the Opium wars. It involves everything that I love, drugs, war, colonialism and the beach. From Hong Kong, I will travel across the mouth of the Pearl River to Macau the former Portuguese port and now considered the Vegas of the East (it isn't really though) up the coast and back “into” China to Guangzhou (British, French), up to Xiamen (British, French, Japanese), onto Shanghai (British, French, German), and Finally Beijing. Considering how I have never really traveled by myself I didn't really know what to expect but lets just say I felt a mix of excitement and fear.
Back to the Geely, a wonderful maroon ripoff of a car and flash to ten minutes away from campus on my way to the airport. The temperature is -3C (24 or so F) and of course it has rained/snowed the night before and so everything is covered in a thin layer of ice, including the roads. Salting doesn't occur here they think that salt is only good for putting heavily into your food. So it's more like skating as opposed to driving down the road. And no more than 1 mile from school my driver decides to turn a corner and low and behold the bastard coming down the other road forgot there was ice on the ground and literally slid into us. Not too fast but fast enough to cause a bit of damage. Here I am thinking great I'm gonna miss my f#$%ing flight because these idiots learned how to drive after my little sister did.
The driver gets out and starts yelling at the other driver who in turn starts yelling at him. Meanwhile a small crowd begins to form not only because of the small accident but also because of the white guy sitting in the back of the Geely. Finally 10 minutes after the accident the other driver pulls out his shoelace ties it to the bumper and kicks it once to show it's not gonna fall off and boom thats it. Again we are off to see the wizard........
This got me thinking what are the odds that anywhere but here that the police would not be called, names not exchanged, insurance not called etc. To explain this you must understand Henan. Henan province in central China is just bizarre, I live in a dump, but my school has a nice campus. It has the worst reputation in China, they say that the Henanese are all liars and thieves, it's not true but I could see how the stereotype could come into play.
On the way to the Airport we drive through places that don't exist on any map, past one room schoolhouses, chicken farms, some emperor named Jujubes garden and all of a sudden arrive in this amazing airport that seems to grow out of the ground like all the crops that surround it.
Sitting in this western styled brand new airport, I begin to understand one thing, if foreigners are expected to see anything in this country it will be ridiculously nice. The airport compared compared to the city it serves is like night and day. It looks European or Japanese but definitely not Chinese.
Suddenly, these memories of civilization come over me. Maybe, it is the lack of garbage on the ground, or the fact that nobody was spitting on the floor, or smoking in my face, but for the first time in a long time I felt like I was having a normal experience. One that was not noteworthy for any reason, and you would be amazed at how good that felt.
China maybe growing fast but it still has a very long way to go.

Day 1 (Zhengzhou Airport)
Have a great time at the airport and then I am off in two short hours I will be in the south of China in the boomtown of Shenzhen and then on my way to Hong Kong. The excitement is palpable and I really can't believe that I will be having Mexican food in less than twelve hours and I won't have to squat in a bathroom for a long time.

Hong Kong is sick.

2008-01-12T23:57:00.000-08:00

So I arrived in Hong Kong yesterday after a few hitches (my taxi driver got in an accident on the way to the airport), and I must say this is my new favorite city. It is just an amazing city, doesn't feel like China, and is like surreal to think that this exists after living for 5 months in a rural backwater. I met the former head of HSBC and he bought a few rounds for me and then I proceeded to get tore up. First time in a real bar in months felt amazing but ridiculously expensive literally like 30X more expensive than I am used to living in Zhengzhou, overall I feel like anyone who is thinking about coming to Asia you have to go Hong Kong everybody speaks English, there is hardly anyone smoking or spitting on the ground and it is simply amazing.

I'll update you on the tour de China as I get to internet cafes.

I hate ice!!!

2008-01-11T01:50:00.000-08:00

So after living in a warm climate for basically my whole life this whole ice and snow thing is really strange to me. It is icy outside because it rained yesterday and then froze last night. As I was walking back from the last thing that I had to do for the semester, I was messing around in my new 6 dollar winter boots and slipped and fell flat on my back. Needless to say my elbow kills right now and I hate ice!!!!

Holiday Time Off

2007-12-26T00:21:00.000-08:00

So I open up my email the other day and this is what I get.

Dear All

The college has decided the new year's holiday as following:

We will work on Saturday (29th, December) and make up classes for Monday(31st, December). The holiday will be on 30th, 31st, December 2007 and 1st January 2008.

Thanks.

xxxx

I have withheld the name to protect the innocent, but does anyone else see what is wrong with this? There are two things, for one how can they call it time off, when you are working those days, you are just working on a different day, also one of those days (30th) is a f@#$!@# Sunday, no we don't work on Sundays here.

It stipulates in my contract with the school that I get 3 days off, two of them are made up and one (the 1st) is not, they are trying to pull a fast one on us.

Layers, Layers, Layers

2007-12-20T20:46:00.000-08:00

Everyone says that if you want to stay warm you must wear what?.......Layers. Well ladies and gents it has begun to get cold here (last night it was 32/0 depending on who is reading this)brrrrrr. But come on it is not that cold, I mean I might be from Florida, but it gets much colder than 32, right?

So I went to class today and my four senior students show up (that's a whole 'nother story), and they are covered head to toe in clothes. This is nothing new, in fact, it seems there is a date when people start wearing their winter coats (November 1 is my guess, although I can't ever get a straight answer). It doesn't matter that it is still 50 degrees outside by god it's November 2nd and I need to wear my coat or I will get sick. Sound familiar? Isn't that what your mother always tells you?

Today was different however, I decided I was going to get to the bottom of my students clothes wearing habits. Because they always ::gasp:: when I take my coat off (inside), I mean why would I take my winter coat off when I am inside a heated building? Then, inevitably, they ask me if I am cold, and I always say, "If I were cold would I take off my jacket?, and, why do you care anyway?" They say it's because they are worried about me. So then I invariably ask them, "Why don't you take your coats off?" And then they always answer in unison as if rehearsed, "Because it's winter silly." I added the "silly" but it might as well have been what they said.

There are some things in China no foreigner will ever understand and the layers issue is one of them. I asked them how many layers they had on, they answered 4, keep in mind these are healthy twenty year old kids. Four layers!!! An undershirt, Shirt, Sweater, and Jacket (that's the top) then the bottom, regular underwear, long johns, another set of long johns, wool socks and finally pants of some sort. I mean my god two pairs of long johns it was 34 degrees outside, not -34. To top it all off, this is indoors!!!! indoors!!!! Crazy, crazy there is really on word and it is crazy. They almost fell died when I told them I was only wearing jeans.

The best part of all is that they will sit there and sweat in the classroom while I am more than comfortable. Ahh China, gotta love it.

Riley GwiX

The Great Haze over China

2007-12-19T05:50:00.002-08:00

I'm not talking about being hungover either. The pollution here is something else, it's really crazy. It's hard to really show people how bad it is other than the sunsets and now this image from NASA that is honestly astonishing, I have modified it a little so you can see exactly where I sit in all this.

According to NASA (Click the Picture to enlarge)

Thick haze collected in eastern China, south of Beijing, in mid-December 2007. The Moderate Resolution Imaging Spectroradiometer (MODIS) on NASA’s Aqua satellite took this picture on December 17, 2007. In places, the dull gray haze is thick enough to completely hide the land surface below. The haze appears confined to low elevations, only cresting the Taihang Shan Mountains in a few locations.

Here is a picture of a beautiful Chinese Sunset. (Don't stare you'll go blind.)

Red Pajamas

2007-12-15T23:24:00.000-08:00

While on the topic of superstition, I thought I would mention a funny one that my students told me about. Apparently nobody here where's red pajamas, I didn't believe it either but just like green hats they are impossible to find. There is a supersition that says if you die wearing red clothes at midnight that your soul will be stuck in this world forever. That you will haunt where ever it is that you die.

Strangely enough they sell an insane amount of red underwear, while I consider underwear ,clothes they are not included in this superstition because you are supposed to wear red underwear when it is your zodiac calendar year. So because I was born in the year of the pig (this year) I have gone out and bought a nice pair of red undies for good luck.

Crazy Chinese

Translated Brands

2007-12-15T02:47:00.000-08:00

So I have decided to start a new blog devoted to Chinese Western Brands. It is one of my favorite things do when I am bored here and that is find brands I know and recognize. So if you are bored there will be some more content for you to look at. "Misadventures" will be personal observations "Familiar Brands" will be more formulaic.

Leave me a comment to tell me what you think.

Riley

Green Hats

2007-12-15T00:20:00.000-08:00

So recently I started wearing this beanie that one of the teachers who likes to knit made for me. It is just a normal green hat nothing special but in China nothing is at it seems.

I had been getting this snickering when I walked into class and kept seeing students pulling their camera phones out trying to be slick and sneak a picture of me. Normally, (it is normal by the way) when they do this I will try to embarrass them and make wacky poses. But, it seemed the wacky poses were only adding to their excitement.

Strange as it may seem, I couldn't seem to shake this. So, I kind of forgot about it. Then yesterday one of my Chinese teaching colleagues asked me if I knew anything about the green hat in China.

Here we go I thought, what is going to be this time? Apparently she told me, that no Chinese men would ever wear a green hat, even the People's Liberation Army (PLA) had changed the color of the hats their soldiers wore. Now, if something can get the PLA to change it habits it must be big.

Turns out that there is a saying in Chinese that goes like this 戴绿帽子 or (dai lu mao zi) "to wear a green hat". Apparently it means that your wife or girlfriend is cheating on you, or basically you are a cuckold. Crazy Chinese...apparently in the Ming and Yuan dynasties men whose female relatives were prostitutes would have to wear green head coverings.

So the lesson is don't give a man a green hat in China unless you are trying to tell him that his wife/girlfriend is cheating on him.

2007-12-12T03:16:00.000-08:00

So I have picked a new Chinese name, it is 韦一(wei yi) which means like the one and only or special. Pronounced way eee, it kind of sounds like my name and has a cool ring to it. Plus since there is only one Riley I figured it would be a good representation of me. There is a big emphasis on the meaning of names here. The name must mean something or the child will be a mess "supposedly".

Plus the name is easy to remember and easy to write.

That's all for now.

From the Middle Kingdom

Riley

2007-12-10T08:32:00.000-08:00

So I have had a hard time trying to express the naivete of my students and just yesterday had a prime example pop up for use with my western audience. So I was talking a student of mine he is about twenty I think (maybe older). And, we were watching a movie about Africans.

So Edward let's call him turns to me and asks, "When Black babies are born are they dark or do are they white and then turn dark?"

After hearing this I was flabberghasted. He was totally serious and had no idea. This is what we are dealing with....most of the world is that uneducated.

Funny Chinese Sign

2007-12-08T22:18:00.000-08:00

If ever there was a sign that summed up China it is this one. Tell me how much of this is common sense? Bear in mind that I found this in a very nice, prestigious Museum. The Henan Museum in Zhengzhou is regarded as one of the best museums in China. So you would think that people would act accordingly, right?

I really want to get a T Shirt of this made and sell it.

2007-12-02T21:25:00.000-08:00

So I went to the old grocery cornerstore on campus, today to find some dishwashing soap. They didn't have the brand I like, so I had to search through the remaining brands to find something worthwile. So like any human I pick them up and sniff them. First one I see is ginger scented, hmmm must be interesting, (not my cup of tea), the next one pardon the pun is tea scented, then of all things GARLIC! for your dishes? Oh China, WTF is that all about? So I settled on papaya the most "normal" of the scents.

2007-12-02T01:34:00.000-08:00

Oh Yeah, just on a quick note I have decided to grow a beard just because:

a. I can.
b. The locals can't.
c. It is getting cold.
d. I'm lazy.
e. There is no hot water in the morning. I don't know if you have ever tried to shave without hot water let's just say it is torture.
f.Well there is no f, but I just liked the roundness of having an f in my list.

2007-12-02T00:57:00.000-08:00

There are some things in China that I wish they would export to the states. (Now isn't that a strange statement.)

But I'm serious, for instance the water bottles (big 5 gallon variety) have these little plugs on the bottom that are pushed in when you set it into the dispenser. When I used to work at Apex Systems we would always play a little game and see if the chump who picked up the bottle would spill it when they set it into the fountain. Here that is not an issue, the mirror-world of China is not all bad.

Second, and this is something that would make life so much easier driving in any congested area. The traffic lights have timers on them telling you how long you have until the light turns red/green so you know that you are not going to make it and there is no need to speed up if there are 3 seconds left and you are a 1/4 mile away.

Third, well let me come back to a third one, there really isn't anything I can think of off the top of my head that is more logical here. Yeah that's pretty much it but if I think of something I will be sure to update you when I get a chance.

Mistaken Identity

2007-12-01T02:22:00.000-08:00

I guess it is a compliment when someone from a foreign culture is not recognized as foreign. I have two different examples to give you. For one, I saw one of my students in the street and I did the old look them in the eye waiting for them to recognize me. However, to my surprise they walked right by me, and I said, "Hey Ann, what did you not recognize me?" She whips around and said, "Oh, Riley?....Sorry I thought you were Chinese." I don't know if this is a compliment or an insult maybe the world wide web can help me interpret this.

Then on the same day as this whole coming off as Chinese thing, I had two separate students tell me that I sounded Chinese when I spoke Mandarin. That I thought was pretty cool considering the whole reason I came here was to learn Chinese.

Anyway, that's all for now.

Over and out.

Riley

Point Out Those Differences

2007-11-25T21:07:00.001-08:00

The scary thing to me about China, is its potential. Currently it leads the world in manufacturing but just wait until it becomes a service oriented economy because that is when the money will be made. If you want to read an article that articulates the difference in economies it is this one here in the NY Times. The story is a simple compare/contrast on the music industry. It is something that is so puzzling to me, the popular musicians here literally all sound the same. If you were to close your eyes you would think that they only release one album about "love".

When they decide to respect intellectual property law you will see this economy explode (as if it is not already).

Good Night and Good Luck

New Update on MSG

2007-11-20T02:50:00.001-08:00

(This counts as the first post for the week the last post was just an admission of guilt)

So I needed to buy salt for cooking. Pretty simple right, I mean salt is salt however when all of the minerals are in clear plastic bags on a shelf and you have no idea what the character in Chinese means it can be pretty daunting. So I went online and found the character for salt (yan, 盐). Perfect I thought the mission is now set and I will be able to go get some salt. I go to the store find the shelf and grab what looks like salt it has the character on it and everything. I get home and just to make sure I was correct decide to taste it.

Low and behold, what I had bought is not salt and it tastes nothing like salt. I couldn't believe it the thing said 盐(salt) so why didn't it taste like salt.

After further inspection of the packaging I found that next to salt was a mysterious character (无) what was this about? I went online again and found that this meant wu or (not). So on the packaging it literally said wu yan (无盐) or not salt. Great what is this crap then. I find the characters look it up and what had I bought you guessed it MSG.

So I can say that I have bought crystalline MSG and now have a lifetime supply of the stuff.

Peace and Love

Riley

Slacking.............

2007-11-20T02:37:00.000-08:00

So I have been slacking recently, in more ways than one. For some reason I have a hard time finishing things; don't know why that is but I do. This blog is a prime example, I should be updating it more often not for the readers but for myself. Alas, as is obvious from the posts I have not been doing that.

Why is it so hard to change what seem to be like simple aspects about yourself? Is it because changing is hard or because we don't really want to change and just lie to ourselves about wanting to change. I started this blog with the intention of keeping people updated on what was going on so I didn't have to have 20 of the same conversations. If people could read what my experiences had been then they would know and I wouldn't have to explain everything.

However, I think that the essence has changed and the reasons for keeping what has become a journal are now more apparent. Have you ever read an essay or letter or anything you wrote a long time ago? I mean so long ago that you forgot you even wrote that essay about Napoleon's conquest or the recipe for chopped liver that Aunt Hilda gave you. It is really bizarre (at least to me) to read your own words and I think that this experiment in journal keeping has proved that to me. To read what my thoughts were 2 months ago has been a really positive experience.

What is cool is that I have been getting mostly positive comments, reviews etc. So I am now excited to write this stuff down. I will try my best to be less of a slacker for that reason, problem is that I am so good at slacking. I wish I could retrain myself to not procrastinate.

So that is what I am going to attempt to do, retrain myself, and the first step is to update this blog at least twice a week and pay my bills on time, return my students papers on time, hell even not be late to things for a week.

Anyway sorry for the long rant but sometimes it is important to be honest with yourself, and so now I am going to be, "I Riley Edan Gelwicks, am a slacker". There now I hope I can change that aspect of myself and stop underachieving.

P.S. the chips were cucumber, I will try to show you more bizarre flavors from your favorite American brands.

Happy Birthday to Me

2007-11-06T01:59:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday to me, today is my 24th birthday, however I don't really know what hour to celebrate it. Is it the east coast time? Or is it the date? Because I am 13 hours ahead of the east coast of the US, when does one actually celebrate it? I was actually born at 12:01am November 6th, 1983; so it is kind of a tough question to answer.

Anyway I wanted to do a tribute to American-Chinese brands today. These are some familiar brands you might all be used to. Tell me if you can guess what flavor those chips are in the middle. I bet you would never guess that they would make chips of that flavor.

Cultural Misunderstandings

2007-11-04T20:14:00.000-08:00

So when three cultures clash people tend to step on each others toes. It is hard to keep from offending people when it is just your culture but when you have to take into account three it is just bad news. There were 3 cultures that were mixing last Saturday, for our annual Halloween festivities. I would say they were western, African and east-Asian. I will come back to this point in a bit don't forget about it. It started out festive enough with everyone showing up in their respective homemade costumes. There was punch and h'ors derves and it was like being back in the west if only for an hour or two. Maybe about 9 o'clock two hours from the beginning of the party the two African guys decided they were going to be festive too, by sacrificing a chicken. You read that right sacrificing a chicken!!!! They did not realize that it was possibly not that good of an idea to do this but they started to go through their whole ritual. Meanwhile, no one is actually thinking they are going to kill this chicken they would just to do a little dance say some chants and that would be that. Next thing you know this chicken has its head off and there is blood all over the floor. Needless to say that this was an instant buzz kill and about 5 people immediately left the party. I was kind of indifferent/drunk and stayed because I figured there would be more booze for me, but nonetheless when these cultures mixed it did not turn out very pretty. And I can now say that I have seen a chicken with its head ripped off (disgusting by the way).

Happy Halloween

2007-10-31T02:59:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween to one and all, how am I celebrating, well tonight there is nothing to do, if I wore a costume I feel like I would be put into an insane asylum. Other than the lack of Halloween stuff to do, everything else is going smooth like butter. I am now a fountain pen enthusiast, given that they are like $2 here they are fun to buy and use, after going fountain I will never go back to a ball point. The internet here is still hit at miss, it goes from being ultrafast to a snails pace. Some days we have it some days we don't it can be kind of frustrating. Um other than that I don't know much else, my birthday is next week and I have bought a bottle of real wine to celebrate I am excited can't believe that I am going to be 24 feels like I just graduated from high school not college, crazy part is I have been out of UF for 1 1/2 years, nuts I say. Anyway that's all for now take it easy for sheezy.

再见

Musings

2007-10-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

Ok a few things that are really vexing me about not being at home, one is the lack of knowledge of sports here among the locals and the other is the blindless love of Yao Ming (he's busted too). Unless I want to talk about the NBA mainly the Houston Rockets (yawn!!) I can't talk sports with anyone. Nobody to say holy shit did you see that play or I can't believe that LSU pulled it out. Or how much do you hate the Yankees/Red Sox? None of this is possible here. Because of that, I have now taken up Badminton you heard right, that beast of country club lawn sports. If anything it is because I love to beat the locals at the sports they love to play. They look at me and say wow I didn't know you knew how to tie your own shoes you uncivilized westerner. Also I love talking shit to them (they don't know what I am saying) because if you go to a basketball court I have never heard a quieter place in my life. It's great because they are really reserved, I love to play up the crazy American stereotype.

On another note my video I posted for my brothers birthday has gotten a comment from someone named Geesus, I have no idea who that is and it is pretty sick. I am pumped that people are actually reading my drunken rants, pretty crazy really.

P.S. that video is of my Freshman students they are so enthusiastic it scares me!!

That's all for now, I'll keep more coming I promise.

My New Favorite Toy

2007-10-21T05:09:00.000-07:00

Last.fm is f-ing sick, you just type in whatever artist you like and they make this radio station built around it. Honestly I have been listening to it for like the last 3 hours check it out www.last.fm it is pretty sick.

Also check this out it's webcam software that doesn't require any downloads it's all in browser. And people can talk to you if they don't have an account I'm telling you in like 3 years this is how everyone is going to talk online (buy now).

TokBox

Best part is they are all free.

Happy Birthday

2007-10-20T03:31:00.000-07:00

Happy 29th Birthday to my brother.

Grading Papers

2007-10-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

So I have graded 80 papers on "My First day of School" and have a new found respect for teachers. It is like the most boring thing I have ever had to do. I appreciate all of my teachers that I have ever had because this sucks.

Chinese Toilet

2007-10-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

The next time you are driving and have an "emergency" don't hesitate about that gas station because after seeing some of the toilets here in China I would lick those floors.

The ol' bait and switch

2007-09-24T02:05:00.000-07:00

So a few weeks ago I said how I was going to be singing in this talent show for some foreign teachers. Turns out I was a little mislead, we get to this dinner/performance and I see these dudes carrying cameras and cables and shit into the hall. I ask myself I wonder why all of these cameras are going where I am going. So I ask the secretary who is acting as our interpreter and she begins to tell me that we are being televised, to Henan province. I ask oh is it live she says I think so. Henan has more than 100 million people living in it. So I was literally televised to a potential audience of like 80 million people. Not exactly what I signed up for, and of course we had to follow this proper Opera singer and we looked like total amateurs. Here that is kind of how things work, people always undersell everything, telling you just enough to get you interested then by the time you agree to do it, it is too late.

On a more positive note I ordered my first meal in Mandarin without pointing at the menu was pretty proud of myself and I didn't have to repeat myself either.

Still missing Primanti's

Riley

Food

2007-09-19T08:49:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things that I expected when I came here, language barrier, jet lag, being a psuedo-celebrity etc. But there are a few things that have happened which I have not expected. For instance, I have these powerful food cravings. It has been more than three weeks since I have had any western style food, basically (cheese, pasta, hamburgers, french fries, ketchup, sliced bread, a salad, a proper sandwich, hard liquor, tacos, burritos, salsa, chips, nachos, hot pockets, uncrustables, well you get the idea) and I have been having intense cravings. I feel like this must be how a pregnant woman feels waking up and wanting pickles at 3 in the morning because I am not joking when I say I have had dreams about food. I never would have guessed I would have a dream about food. In them I am usually eating a pizza or taco, although for one of them I was in Primanti Bros., and it tastes so good I mean unbelievably good better than anything you have ever tasted before. THen I wake up and realize oh more rice yay!!!! It is one of those things that I never would have expected. But, this will probably subside because I just got paid and am going to splurge on the essentials, Jim Beam, Good Cheese, Pizza Sauce and Bread "hmmmmmm bread".

Adios y Vaya con Dios,

Riley

P.S. i figured out a way around the Great Firewall of China so I am now able to read your comments although I think I have a whopping one.

P.P.S. I will try to update this every day or two to keep you entertained while at work/class for you people in law school.

Life in a foreign country

2007-09-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

I would say life here is interesting, if not compelling. The way the Chinese live is strange to say the least. They are the nicest people you have ever met really sincere even in the most naive way, but they do some really retarded shit. It is kind of hard to explain without specific examples but just the fact that you go to a bathroom and realize that place probably hasn't been cleaned since the restaurant opened you realize how nice the west can be. By the way those bathrooms are not really bathrooms, just a glorified hole in the floor that happens to flush. I like to call them squat pots but there are other less dignified names for them. What is ironic is no matter who you ask here they love to tell you that they have been a civilization for more than five thousand years, ironically they are not really all that civilized. They eat crap food, have no real manners (i.e. spit on the floor in a restaurant, blow snot rockets in public, stare incessantly at you, and oh yeah have their less than 5 year old kids shit and piss right on the sidewalk). However I digress, life here is really not all that bad just really different I think that is best way to describe china, different. I mean it really is one of those things that you have to see to believe. What is crazy to me is that I have been here just about a month and most of this stuff just doesn't faze me anymore.

That's about all for now.

Riley

P.S. oh yeah just so you know safety and hygiene are words that just don't translate in the Chinese language.

So I guess I was wrong

2007-09-09T06:28:00.000-07:00

China in its infinite wisdom has blocked anything with .blogspot.com in front of it however I can still access it on the backend. So while I might not be able to actually see what my blog looks like in the finished state I can actually make posts to it. Weird I know but anyway now I know that I can make posts to it and hopefully someone out there is reading them. I can't, however, read any comments so just email me. Anyway, I have to go plan my lessons for the week, I was thinking about playing taboo with the kids and then having them compete with each other. I can basically choose any thing I want to do. The leeway they give me is ridiculous, but hey that's China. The more time I spend here the more I realize there are somethings you will just never understand. Oh yeah we are performing in a talent show next friday so I will be singing Hotel California in front of like 500 people, should be interesting. Anyway that's about it for now. I will post more cool stuff. Oh yeah one last addendum we are going to this mountain on saturday so I will take lots of pictures and post them on the internet.

Over and out.

Riley

Anxiety

2007-08-19T22:39:00.001-07:00

Stress is a powerful force on the human body. I woke up this morning less than 24 hours before I leave for the other side of the earth and I literally have what I guess was a panic attack. I couldn't think straight, had shortness of breath, even had some tightness in my chest. So I guess you could figure that it is normal to be nervous before a trip like this, and I knew that but I couldn't logically calm myself down. I kept thinking "what the fuck are you doing?", "are you crazy?" then I told myself you didn't come to this decision overnight so chill out everything is going to be ok. So here I sit t-6 hours before I dip. I am still really nervous but excited at the same time and don't plan on sleeping tonight (hopefully that'll help me with the 15 hour!!! flight to Seoul). I think it is cool I'll be in Korea for a bit, then on to Beijing where I have to find 14 hours to kill. And then on to Zhengzhou. I am prepared for it to be a little rough as far as civilization goes, hopefully I have imagined it worse that it will be. Anyway that's it for now I'll try to update this a lot I don't think it will be that big of a deal.

Peace Out, and I will miss you all.

Love,
Riley

I have seen Dennis Rodman sing James Brown in Person

2007-08-14T11:54:00.000-07:00

So I am going to start this little Journal or whatever you want to call it with the most recent of my observations at Dicey Riley's in Fort Lauderdale. After leaving work at a decent time 11:30pm (good by melting pot standards) I decided to spend my 2nd to last friday in the states out with some friends. I meet up with them at Brick (it was kind of boring) and bar hop to San Loco get the best tacos in town, while igor decides to run out on his bill, and then we moved on to Dicey Riley's. Which was packed, I mean sardine packed why I couldn't figure out. They had some live band playing with a tall ass singer who happened to be black. He was so tall in fact that I couldn't see his face because the top of the bar was in the way. Next thing I know I can't believe my eyes and I see dennis rodman singing James Brown at an Irish Pub in Fort Lauderdale. Surprisingly he wasn't even all that bad, even claiming he that he was famous enough to still get a ton of ass. So that is pretty much it, trying out this blogger thing. Signing out.

Riley

My Life as I See It

2007-08-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

I decided this would be a good idea to post and share stuff with a lot of people back home while I am abroad. I will add to this as much as I can and also try to keep everyone up to date on what is going on in my life etc. So that concludes my first post there will be many more to come.